I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
