I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
