I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
