so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
