you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
