It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
