Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
