is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
