im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
