but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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