highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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