dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This toilet bowl is my home.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
