i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
