I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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