She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
