I wanna bring you to show and tell
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
