so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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