Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
