hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
