i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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