my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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