I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
