Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
