This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
