how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
