Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
