I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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