dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
