If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
