i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
