never play flip cup with pint glasses
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
40s are totally the cure
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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