my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
where are my eyebrows?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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