No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
