Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
