chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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