Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
