My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
