Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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