btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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