This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
