i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
