They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There's always time for handjobs
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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