tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
