apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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