I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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