I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
