i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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