The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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