Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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