I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
